this morning, i was riding the bus to work today and i picked up a copy of the metro. as i paged through the ad-ridden entertainment section, i saw a page announcing that dispatch, everyone’s favorite immortally brolovèd jamtards, were coming to boston for their summer “AMPLIFYING EDUCATION” tour. they’ve already sold out two shows at the garden and tickets are like, totes running out for the third date! that means something like 35,000 people from this area alone are going to see this band over the course of three days in june.
for those of you unaware, dispatch creates the most vanilla, snooze-inducing wannabe-folk fapoffs imaginable. they are the quintessential band for people who like rock music as stomach-churningly insipid as staind and godsmack and three doors down but also self-identify as hippies or members of some other “liberal” or “creative” subculture, so they join drum circles and look for songs with five-minute banjo solos to vibe out/play ultimate frisbee to. seriously, i can’t name another band whose fans are as homogeneous as dispatch’s, save for maybe insane clown posse’s (but at least juggalos are entertaining, as opposed to being milquetoast oxygen-wasters who make 18 to 34-year-olds who vote democrat seem like a boorish backward-visored mob of hackey sack players).
dispatch has been around for fifteen years or something like that. they’ve only got four studio albums to their name, but they’ve gone through the breakup-then-reform-n’-tour cycle a bunch of times since they stopped attempting to compose palatable new material. this has given them the unique ability of being able to make appearances in the favorite bands roster of two or maybe even three distinct generations of alterna-bros, meaning that a cool dad who knocked up his armpit hair-brandishing college girlfriend to the sounds of “hey hey” back in 1995 is probably gonna go get his d-patch on with his now-teenage son in tow at one or more of these shows. it’s like TV syndication. or a franchise.
the bulk of my problem with this band is a problem i’ve been finding i have with dozens of acts i see at boston shows these days. on friday night, i went to see The Rex Complex open for Ellis Ashbrook, two new york-based bands with metro boston ties. both of them were fabulous; both acts play with such bombastic abandon and unstaged-but-still-over-the-top vitriol, making for some good clean no-strings-attached fun. on the downside, though, they were accompanied by two bands who, while being very technically proficient and tolerable enough to listen to, played with not even a scrap of feeling or sincerity or passion, well, anything to give a fuck about. and that’s dispatch in a nutshell right there.
to go above and beyond the overall shittiness of these bands, the thing that may be most upsetting here is that so many people eat this aural excrement up with fork and spoon and zeal and never realize what else is out there. which two bands had the lion’s share of the attention on friday night? how many thousands of people are going to those dispatch shows? who’s going to labor in obscurity until they do something more commercially viable? the outcome of all this is still so predictable and predetermined. it’s as if people want to be bored by and disconnected from the contents of their iPod, as if it would be unthinkable for them to peer outside the culture-box they’ve self-compartmentalized in. and it sucks.
ah, well. wake me up when “the general” ends.
